Who’s This Liver-Lipped Root Vegetable-Headed Sumbitch?

I’m monkeying around with yet another ill-conceived side project (more to come on that someday, maybe), and wanted a cartoon version of my tiny Duke head for use there. So… whenever I need something like that I make a beeline for Fiverr. I’ve had a lot of luck with that site, and there have also been a few misfires. I mean, you’re generally not paying much, so you just have to read the reviews, look at the samples and hope for the best. Often the results exceed my expectations.

But take a look at what I received back today. Yep, another one for the MISFIRE folder. Sweet Maria! It looks like I’m wearing lipstick, suffering a rampaging goiter, and enduring a bout of dangerous brick-house constipation. Also, my hair doesn’t look like that. It reminds me of the plastic Devo hair (with chinstrap) from the New Traditionalists era. Who is this bulbous sweet potato-headed mofo?!

Sometimes I ask for a revision (or two), but this time I just paid the guy and walked away. He’s in Indonesia, and maybe the ten bucks will go farther there than it does here? I have no idea. But this shit is both hilarious and unsettling. And there’s no fixing it. Right? There would be no point in requesting a revision. The lips straight-up freak me out! Good Lord. Whenever I look at them I think they’re going to start moving, and I’ll hear the voice of Satan or perhaps Clutch Cargo.

Hey, you win some and you lose some. Especially at Fiverr. At least I get to share the disturbing thing with you guys, right?

Speaking of disturbing, did you see the video of a female singer pissing all over a man’s face onstage a few nights ago? If not, and you’re so inclined, check it out here. What are your thoughts? I’d like to know. I’ve been to a lot of shows in my time, but never witnessed anything like this. I saw the lead singer of a band called Five-Eight get completely naked onstage, which was… memorable. And I saw John Lydon show his bare ass to the audience for far too long. It was too much of a terrible thing. I mean, Angus Young always flashed his bare ass in concert, but ol’ Johnny Rotten thrust his out there and let everyone take a long gander. It’s not something I need in my memory banks, yet it’s there and probably will be forever.

But I have never seen a person urinate on the face of a willing audience member before. Did you see the way he was whipping his head from side to side like he was reveling in the experience? Also, that was quite a load she unleashed there. She’s clearly a well-hydrated young lady. Was there steam coming off of it? I think there might’ve been. Incredible! Apparently this little stunt didn’t go over as well as she’d hoped, and she’s apologizing all over the place.

You’d never catch the Statler Brothers doing something like that.

I’ve had three days off from work, but now it’s time to return. Ugh. I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day, my friends!

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